Warren's Five (plus two) Most Fun Past Journal Entries
Thirty Eight
Warren's wedding
Warren does an Ultimate Survey
Hume Improvement
A Small Tail Tale
Peaceful Postal Protest
An Amusing Top Five List
My Amazon Wish List
Buy me stuff!
Pete's Ancient and rarely updated
D-land Journal
One of those darned Ultimate Survey thingies
Journal Entry entered: 2001-03-14 - 05:53:38
Greetings, monkeys!
In my next few entries I will be describing an adventure I had while making a living in the Rimward Expanses. It may start out a bit slow, gotta set things up and describe things a bit for the monkeys, most of whom have never been past their own sister world. There will also be entries that interrupt the flow, as I go off on one of my diatribes about the semi-evolved simians here. Stay tuned!
And now, to distract you for a bit...
The below is one of those "Ultimate Survey" things that drift around the internet irritating people. This is a version I sent out to a number of friends, enemies, and government agencies, just to keep them on their toes. It was sent in early 2000 but my love kindly sent me a copy of it. I hope you find it interesting.
Okay, I've decided to come totally clean with this survey... be prepared to be shocked...
NAME: Warren T. Wanderer
SEX: of course... as often as possible...
HOME: I've been in several homes... but i always manage to escape...
HEIGHT: Varies between less than a millimetre to 172.72 cm/
AGE: I'm not picky...
EYES: tasty!
FAVORITE RELATIVE: My pod-mate...she tasted pretty good as a first meal...
WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER MOST ABOUT 1999?: That awful song by that loser who was formerly known as an artist...
FAVORITE TV SHOW: Women Who Get Stalked and the Men That Follow Them.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSEPAD: no mouse
ONE PILLOW OR TWO: I tend to feel that one suffices unless the individual puts up a serious fight before losing consciousness
WHO IS THE SILLIEST/CRAZIEST PERSON YOU KNOW? You're all nuts...
FAVORITE DRINK: Bloody Mary...I've my own, special recipe...
FAVORITE SOUND: The popping sound as the scalpel first parts the skin
FAVORITE SMELL: A fine barbecue
WORSE FEELING IN THE WORLD: being locked in a padded cell
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: strangling the guards and escaping above mentioned cell...
FAVORITE THING TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: stalk...
FAVORITE TOWN TO CHILL IN: Wherever the police force is inadequate...
FAVORITE THING TO DO ON A PLANE: Initiate people into the Mile High Club.
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 10 YEARS: Running from Interpol...
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING?: Did I kill anyone last night?
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? By the third ring I am in the car and off to stalk my caller...
ARE YOU A GOOD FRIEND: Until i get hungry...
FAVORITE FOOD: liver pat�...
WHEN YOU MEET A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX WHAT DO YOU NOTICE FIRST: How easily could I track her through a crowded mall or police station?
HAVE YOU EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING? While fleeing the police...
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED: Um... a selection of scalpels and other dissection devices...
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: Dad was digested pretty easily, but mom gave me food poisoning...
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: convicted? No.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: chocolate syrup...although one usually needs to replace the mattress afterwards...
THUNDERSTORMS~LIKE OR DISLIKE: Like... they can cover the sound of breaking into a house or apartment.. and often the screams...
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS: dynamite near pigs... that sounds like fun!
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE: I can drive, she can drive, I'm flexible...not limber, but flexible...
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE: I'd love to exchange recipes with Jeffrey Dahmer!
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE: D'Jyn'nt Onyxx
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? ultraviolet (invisible, but it would hurt your eyes!
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: Could be, could be not... couldn't rightly say.
ARE YOU STILL IN LOVE: see above
WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: padding...scribbles...blood...
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? I hate glass... it is too sharp going down...
FAVORITE MOVIE: Faces of Death
RIGHTY/LEFTY: I'm best with the bit in the middle, actually...
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: fingers? I use my toes...
FAVORITE NUMBER: 9...just like the song...
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR: one with a big trunk that is water proof...and easily cleaned...
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM TRUCK: A Tonka Big Hauler
WHO IS/WAS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET CRUSH: The one I left in the car that went to the junk yard and got put thru the car crusher, i suppose...
BESIDES SOMEONE IN YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY, WHO HAS HAD THE MOST IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE: My parole officer
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Anything that draws blood...
A NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: I know where she lives...
PERSON WHO YOU SENT THIS TO THAT IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: All of you... you're probably scared witless by now!!!! Have a nice day! I'll be watching!
Three years! - 2010-04-27
School choices... - 2007-10-03
Virginia Johnson - 2007-09-05
Tau Trivia update! - 2006-12-15
Been a while, now vote! - 2006-10-03
Aww, isn't he cute? Move the mouse around him and he just might play with it!
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Warren's list of words that monkeys use to annoy him by misspelling, misusing, or mispronouncing them (the list will most assuredly grow)
- COMING (typically mispelled "comming")
- TONGUE (typically mispelled "tounge")
- HERE vs. HEAR (the former is a place word; the latter is what you do when a sound hits your ear)
- IT'S vs. ITS (the former is a contracted form of IT IS; the latter is a possessive form of the impersonal pronoun IT)
- LOSING vs. LOOSING (the former is what you are doing if you are not winning; the latter is what you are doing when you let the lions out of the lion pen at the zoo, you are "loosing them" or "setting them loose").
- POUR vs. PORE vs. POOR (the first is what you do to get milk from the carton into the glass; the second is a small opening in a surface, such as those in your skin that sweat comes out of (... don't write poetry if you don't know your English, you just look sad). The third, a state of having little or no money, is rarely confused with the other two).
- ROGUE vs. ROUGE (The former is a person who might also be described as a rascal, scoundrel or cad; the latter is make-up that one uses to add a bit of a blush to one's cheeks.)
- THEY'RE vs. THEIR vs. THERE (the first is a contraction of THEY ARE; the next is a possessive form of THEY; the last denotes place or location)
- TO vs. TOO vs. TWO (the first is a function word indicating movement, direction, proximity, intention, addition: "I'm going to the store" or "Add this to the pile" or "How close is the house to the road"; the second one sort of adds quantity, often of the excessive sort, to a concept: "Too many reptiles" or "I'm coming, too"; the last represents the number 2.)
- WHERE vs. WEAR vs. -WARE vs. WERE- (the first references place or location; the second is either a verb, noun, or suffix relating to clothing or other adornments [example: wearing footwear] OR a noun or verb relating to the effect of exposure or useage or corrosion [wear and tear]; the third is a suffix that indicates that something is a class of some sort [hardware, software, flatware, wetware]; the fourth is a prefix used to attach the disease of Lycanthropy to a person or animal, i.e: werewolf, wererat, weretiger. Finally, although pronounced differently, "WERE" is also a past tense of are or to be.)
- YOU'RE vs. YOUR vs. YORE (the former is a contraction of YOU ARE, the middle is a possessive form of YOU, and the latter is a reference to another, undefined era in the past: "Days of yore.)
- ASK [ask'] ("axe" is something used for chopping wood or the action of chopping something with an axe).
- CAN [kahn] (it should not be pronounced as [kehn]). Thanks, Ken.
- CAVALRY [kah'-val-ree] ("Calvary" is a mountain that is prominant {pun intended} in the Bible, not a military unit that rides on horses... or these days on tanks and Hum-Vees).
- DONDER [don'-der] ("Donner" was the name of a party of travellers that got stuck in the mountains and ate each other, not the name of one of Santa's eight little reindeer).
- ESCAPE [es-kayp'] ("excape" simply sounds dumb).
- ESPRESSO [es-pres'-oh] (it is NOT "eXpresso," pinheads. Thanks, Mischief.
- HUNDRED [hun'-dred] (it's not "hun'-erd" nor "hun'-red"). Thanks, Rachel.
- INSURANCE [in-sure'-ense] (it is NOT "in'-sure-ense"! In English, the second to last syllable is the one that gets the emphasis except when asking a question, when the LAST syllable is accented... never the third to last!!!)
- JEWELRY [jew'-el-ree] (it's not "joo-lah-ree" or "joo-luh-ree", stoner!) Thanks, again Rachel.
- LIBRARY [lie-brayr'-ee] (there's no such thing as a "lie-berry", people!)
- NUCLEAR [new-klee'-er] ("nuke-yuh-ler" is incorrect, Homer! Same goes for you, Dubya!!!)
- OFTEN [aw'-fen] (the pretentious will insist on saying "awf'-Ten" but that is an archaic form and no more appropriate than saying "thee" and "thou" in colloquial English)
- RIPON [rih'-pin] (so very many people pronounce this "rih-pon' " or "ripe'-on" that it gets on the nerves of anyone who has ever lived or gone to school there! Thanks Rachel K.
- VIOLA [vi-o'-la] (the musical instrument is pronounced "vee-ola" but the flower and the woman's name is pronounced with an "eye", not an "ee")Thanks, Viola.