Pete's Ancient and rarely updated
D-land Journal

An amusing Top Five list to lighten the mood.

Journal Entry entered: 2001-09-19 - 8:14 a.m.

Okay, I'm tired of being serious and I have a need to have some fun.

Below is a Top 20 list that I got from a daily listserv I am on owned by The Top Five List. It struck me as very amusing and much in the vein of my own sense of humour and the idea of this diary. So I will repost it here (with all appropriate credit given to the creators).

The Top 20 Excerpts from a Romance Novel Written by a Science Fiction Writer

20: "Clarice wanted to resist, but when Zoltor opened his mouth and his thirty-two inch tongue unspooled, she gave in with a shudder."
19: "The pizza boy never realized that 412 Mansion Cove was the four-dimensional portal of the Gnyxillian high queen, who often sought meaningless servicing from carbon-based life forms. This time was different, though. She didn't count on... love."
18: "As Loruk's thorax swelled, signaling her sexual availability, she could feel Gakkor's twitching proboscis brush against the most sensitive of her three legs, triggering her kill-and-devour response in a way it had never been triggered before."
17: "Yeoman Rand gasped as her captain bent her over the navigator's console and began tugging at her Starfleet-issued panties. 'Prepare yourself for a captain's log entry you won't forget,' Kirk purred, grinning wolfishly."
16>: "Their friends said they weren't compatible, that a model 49FB8v3 could never find happiness with an amorphous semi-organic blob, but they didn't care. Sure, they were from different worlds, but they had each other and that's all that mattered."
15: "Oh my God!" screamed Elizabeth. "I bet a photon could traverse the length of your tumescent organ in less than a picosecond! In a vacuum!"
14: "His hands tore passionately at her bodice. 'It's a breathable poly/carbon shell woven with interstitial polyvinylchloride!' she moaned. He gazed longingly, agonizing over the knowledge of basic chemistry which stood between him and her three proud breasts."
13: "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a really hot cyborg chick, and Ryan Cobalt was no different."
12: "He was standing in the doorway, chlorine dissipating off his rippling chest. From across the room, she could detect his scent, the all too familiar musk of hydrogen sulfide and ammonia. His eye met hers, and the silence was overwhelming."
11: "'Don't go! I love you!' Helen pleaded, her bosom heaving.
'I must,' he replied coldly.
'I'll never forget you,' she sobbed, brokenhearted.
'Guess again,' the MiB agent remarked as he flashed his Neuralizer."
10: "Never had he seen twin moons more round, more perfectly formed as these. They glistened in the twilight, each with its own set of concentric rings, and he longed to be the first man to land on them, to touch the surface."
9: "Though we both yearned to be as one, I knew that the reverse polarization of our anti-grav units would forever keep us apart."
8: "Diana Plasma was not the kind of woman to let interplanetary gravity differentials dictate her agenda. When she said 'Jump', she expected her cadets to say 'How high?' -- and really *mean* it."
7: "As the Nintendo LuvDroid pushed Cliff roughly to the bed, he felt a touch of fear, and with reason. 'ATTENTION!' shrieked the droid, 'ALL YOUR PENIS ARE BELONG TO US!'"
6: "My ears tingled and my skin flushed as he whispered those three sweet words that every woman wants to hear: X'CHa'ktt Ng'xxkt Kzgrr'Dchch."
5: "'You're a cold, heartless beast!' she screamed, weeping.
'Well, yes,' he responded, puzzled and hurt, 'On Pluto, we ALL are.'"
4: "Her wanton breasts heaved. Her breath grew short. He pulled her close and whispered, 'My Vulcan customs forbid me from mating for another 7 years -- but we can still cuddle!'"
3: "As the mechanical whirring reached a crescendo, X-10B suddenly rebooted. 'Just my luck,' P8000-C sighed, covering her SCSI interface. X-10B cursed the latest firmware upgrade as the hydraulic fluid drained from his rapidly settling droidhood."
2: "Together they strolled along the sand, the light of the moons reflecting from her platinum hair. Her ample breasts pointed delicately upward in the weaker Martian gravity."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Excerpt from a Romance Novel Written by a Science Fiction Writer...

1: "He held her close and whispered, 'Though light years may come between us, my love, I shall always cherish the night when I kissed you on Uranus.'"

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]

Well, folks, I thought that was pretty darned funny.

Hopefully from now on the stuff here will be more lighthearted than it has been, and the creativity will be my own. Until then, ciao!

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Warren's list of words that monkeys use to annoy him by misspelling, misusing, or mispronouncing them (the list will most assuredly grow)

Misspellings

COMING (typically mispelled "comming")
TONGUE (typically mispelled "tounge")

Confused spellings

HERE vs. HEAR (the former is a place word; the latter is what you do when a sound hits your ear)
IT'S vs. ITS (the former is a contracted form of IT IS; the latter is a possessive form of the impersonal pronoun IT)
LOSING vs. LOOSING (the former is what you are doing if you are not winning; the latter is what you are doing when you let the lions out of the lion pen at the zoo, you are "loosing them" or "setting them loose").
POUR vs. PORE vs. POOR (the first is what you do to get milk from the carton into the glass; the second is a small opening in a surface, such as those in your skin that sweat comes out of (... don't write poetry if you don't know your English, you just look sad). The third, a state of having little or no money, is rarely confused with the other two).
ROGUE vs. ROUGE (The former is a person who might also be described as a rascal, scoundrel or cad; the latter is make-up that one uses to add a bit of a blush to one's cheeks.)
THEY'RE vs. THEIR vs. THERE (the first is a contraction of THEY ARE; the next is a possessive form of THEY; the last denotes place or location)
TO vs. TOO vs. TWO (the first is a function word indicating movement, direction, proximity, intention, addition: "I'm going to the store" or "Add this to the pile" or "How close is the house to the road"; the second one sort of adds quantity, often of the excessive sort, to a concept: "Too many reptiles" or "I'm coming, too"; the last represents the number 2.)
WHERE vs. WEAR vs. -WARE vs. WERE- (the first references place or location; the second is either a verb, noun, or suffix relating to clothing or other adornments [example: wearing footwear] OR a noun or verb relating to the effect of exposure or useage or corrosion [wear and tear]; the third is a suffix that indicates that something is a class of some sort [hardware, software, flatware, wetware]; the fourth is a prefix used to attach the disease of Lycanthropy to a person or animal, i.e: werewolf, wererat, weretiger. Finally, although pronounced differently, "WERE" is also a past tense of are or to be.)
YOU'RE vs. YOUR vs. YORE (the former is a contraction of YOU ARE, the middle is a possessive form of YOU, and the latter is a reference to another, undefined era in the past: "Days of yore.)

Mispronunciations

ASK [ask'] ("axe" is something used for chopping wood or the action of chopping something with an axe).
CAN [kahn] (it should not be pronounced as [kehn]). Thanks, Ken.
CAVALRY [kah'-val-ree] ("Calvary" is a mountain that is prominant {pun intended} in the Bible, not a military unit that rides on horses... or these days on tanks and Hum-Vees).
DONDER [don'-der] ("Donner" was the name of a party of travellers that got stuck in the mountains and ate each other, not the name of one of Santa's eight little reindeer).
ESCAPE [es-kayp'] ("excape" simply sounds dumb).
ESPRESSO [es-pres'-oh] (it is NOT "eXpresso," pinheads. Thanks, Mischief.
HUNDRED [hun'-dred] (it's not "hun'-erd" nor "hun'-red"). Thanks, Rachel.
INSURANCE [in-sure'-ense] (it is NOT "in'-sure-ense"! In English, the second to last syllable is the one that gets the emphasis except when asking a question, when the LAST syllable is accented... never the third to last!!!)
JEWELRY [jew'-el-ree] (it's not "joo-lah-ree" or "joo-luh-ree", stoner!) Thanks, again Rachel.
LIBRARY [lie-brayr'-ee] (there's no such thing as a "lie-berry", people!)
NUCLEAR [new-klee'-er] ("nuke-yuh-ler" is incorrect, Homer! Same goes for you, Dubya!!!)
OFTEN [aw'-fen] (the pretentious will insist on saying "awf'-Ten" but that is an archaic form and no more appropriate than saying "thee" and "thou" in colloquial English)
RIPON [rih'-pin] (so very many people pronounce this "rih-pon' " or "ripe'-on" that it gets on the nerves of anyone who has ever lived or gone to school there! Thanks Rachel K.
VIOLA [vi-o'-la] (the musical instrument is pronounced "vee-ola" but the flower and the woman's name is pronounced with an "eye", not an "ee")Thanks, Viola.

Pete's Ancient and rarely updatedD-land Journal

Pete's Ancient and rarely updated
D-land Journal